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Calgunners in Service This forum is a place for our active duty and deployed members to share, request and have a bit of home where ever they are.

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  #1  
Old 05-05-2014, 2:53 PM
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Default how to handle a anti military family member

I'm packing my rucksack with clothes and gear for a upcoming FTX, my dad happens to drop by at my place. ( Me and my brother live together.)

My dad is a far left Berkeley liberal type and he's starts talking politics etc, then the topic of the military comes up " They're **** for brains, etc rank and rifle boot thugs"

It really angers me inside, I told him off and left the room were he continued talking to my brother. I have wayy less respect for him now than I ever did. Surprisingly my mother served in the Navy as a Dr. on base at Camp Pendleton, at least she served honorably.

Anybody else deal with a similar situation?
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Last edited by Tacit Blue; 05-05-2014 at 2:58 PM..
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  #2  
Old 05-05-2014, 3:00 PM
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Haven't dealt with that situation myself, but perhaps next time you could tell your father "If you're gonna insinuate that I'm a **** for brains rank and file boot thug, I'm going to insinuate that you're not welcome in my home. Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass."
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  #3  
Old 05-05-2014, 3:03 PM
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Thank you and you won't regret it ,
Keep your chin up march on.

Thank you
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  #4  
Old 05-05-2014, 3:06 PM
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It's your dad's problem not yours.
Thank him for his input and change the subject.
And don't complain to your little brother about it,
just lead by example.
Good luck.
Thank you for your service.
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  #5  
Old 05-05-2014, 3:10 PM
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That sucks, I can't believe your dad would say something like that. You can try and be nice and explain all the humanitarian stuff our military does or just say "well at least I grew up and got a pair and have become a man, i didnt learn it from you! And just remember to cower behind me if things get serious!!"
Sorry how you've been treated, Ive had to hold my tongue a few times over the years listening to libtards who think they're s..t don't stink.
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  #6  
Old 05-05-2014, 3:26 PM
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Thanks guys!

Its disappointing, but he grew up the 60s got his draft notice and hid out in college. So i never really expected him to say anything positive. Sometimes he'll pretend to " understand" but its just lip service.
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Old 05-05-2014, 3:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tnlrat37 View Post
That sucks, I can't believe your dad would say something like that. You can try and be nice and explain all the humanitarian stuff our military does or just say "well at least I grew up and got a pair and have become a man, i didnt learn it from you! And just remember to cower behind me if things get serious!!"
Sorry how you've been treated, Ive had to hold my tongue a few times over the years listening to libtards who think they're s..t don't stink.
Your dad? You're his boy. He shouldn't say such mean things to you. Just let him be. He'll come around.
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Old 05-05-2014, 4:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by philobeddoe View Post
It's your dad's problem not yours.
Thank him for his input and change the subject.
And don't complain to your little brother about it,
just lead by example.
Good luck.
Thank you for your service.
Op: thanks for the thread. I have card carrying Democrats in my family and although they aren't that far left they are Party loyalists. That said, even though we have had our barn burning debates in the past which have resulted in not speaking for a few years... lol. People really do grow older and more mature. It does take time.

When I served in Desert Storm, even those members chose to say nothing rather than criticize the military. It's a safe venture to say that most of the active duty military and veterans in general want what's best for the Nation as a whole.

The situation simply gets convoluted when so many Americans see life differently and through seemingly different lenses. It's not good.

My dad? Well, he always supported me and though not one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. When I got back from Desert Storm, he was the only one to greet me at the airport and gave me the most memorable hug of my life.

I honestly wish the same for you as time goes on. I agree with one of the previous comments. Give your dad some space to express himself. His point of view. it's kind of a role reversal deal. Just like when you were a teen ager and full of rebellion. Middle aged people have to go through that stage as well.

Cordially,

RBA

ps. As your fellow Veteran and Patriot: Thank you for your service.
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Last edited by The Right to Bear Arms; 05-05-2014 at 4:29 PM.. Reason: Clarification
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  #9  
Old 05-05-2014, 7:37 PM
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tell your dad that opinions are like Aholes everyone has one.

my mom was against me joining but she knew that I would do it anyways.
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  #10  
Old 05-05-2014, 10:20 PM
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So why did he marry your mom anyway, knowing she served?

If I had radical leftists in my family like that I would shun them from my life. To put it nicely, I don't have time for that.

Last edited by lawusmc0844; 05-06-2014 at 7:46 PM..
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  #11  
Old 05-05-2014, 10:56 PM
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The military is not a political statement; it is a vocation, and the instrument by which the commander in chief (a liberal) executes his international policy decisions by force when the rest of the world isn't liberal enough for USA interests.

There needs to be a military in all countries because the naive passivity of various masses would result in the collapse of their societies.

It won’t be tree hugging hippies that get those 200 girls out of the hands of Boko Haram, and it will likely be some sort of military medic that tends to the girls immediately after their release.
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  #12  
Old 05-06-2014, 4:06 AM
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FIDO. That is all.
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  #13  
Old 05-06-2014, 4:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacit Blue View Post
Its disappointing, but he grew up the 60s got his draft notice and hid out in college. So i never really expected him to say anything positive. Sometimes he'll pretend to " understand" but its just lip service.
Freedom isn't free. But some people, like your father, seem to think it is. I've dealt with a few people like that, and I've come to believe that there's nothing you can do about it. It's his issue; not yours. You need to live your own life and follow your own path. So next time he goes off like that, just say, "Enjoy your freedom, Dad," and leave it at that. And then think to yourself: "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."

I, for one, thank you for your service.
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  #14  
Old 05-06-2014, 5:36 AM
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There is nothing you can do to change your Father. You have two choices accept him for what he is and move on or end the relationship completely.

There is no half measure in this just two choices. Can you live without Family? If so move out move on and don't look back. If you can live with accepting your Father has faults like all men then change your perspective. Don't let the political rhetoric bother you. Salute knowing he is full of crap up to your hand or salute because you respect him up to here. Either way it is still a salute.

Good luck and know that you also may have faults that people overlook because they have chosen you as family they can not live without.

My Father accepted my first combat tour but never got over me volunteering for a second.

Last edited by Manolito; 05-06-2014 at 5:38 AM..
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  #15  
Old 05-06-2014, 6:13 AM
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Be kind to him. He's your dad. You do what you feel is right, and thank you for your service to our country! (USAR 1982-2000, CSMR 2004-2008)
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Old 05-06-2014, 6:21 AM
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i for one would disown him but then again, i was raised in a marine family.

i dont have patience for liberals at all, once i found out who my obama voting cousins were, i cut them off from all family communications. "progressives" are too stupid to be worthy of inclusion in my opinion.
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  #17  
Old 05-06-2014, 6:59 AM
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People that openly criticize the military or talk down are the ones who feel bad for not joining or couldn't hack it
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  #18  
Old 05-06-2014, 9:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimonBirch View Post
People that openly criticize the military or talk down are the ones who feel bad for not joining or couldn't hack it
I think there's some real truth in this.
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  #19  
Old 05-07-2014, 1:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Tacit Blue View Post
Thanks guys!

Its disappointing, but he grew up the 60s got his draft notice and hid out in college. So i never really expected him to say anything positive. Sometimes he'll pretend to " understand" but its just lip service.
He is insecure and now has guilt. Not that he didn't influence you to hate the military but that he didn't man up and you did. I'm sorry your relationship is bad but it's really up to him to get over it and treat you with the love you deserve as his flesh and blood and respect for stepping up to serve.
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  #20  
Old 05-07-2014, 2:00 PM
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Walk away from him, don't look back, HE"S the looser, all around. Your Mother was in the military, sounds like your dad has issues with not stepping up to the plate. You, are HIS LOSS.
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  #21  
Old 05-07-2014, 4:43 PM
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Your father was disrespectful towards you, but it is his problem. I doubt that you can do anything to change his beliefs. The best course of action that I would suggest taking is to live your life as you want, and let him observe and see if he decides to change is attitude towards you.

Some of my wife's brothers, sisters and brother and sister in laws are anti-military, liberal, atheist, and avowed communists. I keep myself in a state of readiness where I can effectively debate them on any issue if the occasion arises, but for the past 15 years they avoid engaging me, so I just live my life on a course that I have set and they are not even a factor in my life. In summary, ignore people who want to badger you, but stay strong and able to tactfully respond to them.
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Old 05-09-2014, 10:31 AM
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Ive reacted to this with a family member before. Don't waste your time. Its like arguing with an anti-gun nut. They resort to talking points they hear on the news.
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Old 05-09-2014, 4:08 PM
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Boy and how did I go through that, mainly with my cousins, but an aunt or two, and especially friends. My time of entry was '78, immediately after graduating from (undergraduate) college. You'd have thought I was the most stupid and ungrateful B.A. recipient ever for choosing that line of employment instead of immediately enrolling in a graduate school program or seeking "more fitting" immediate employment. I stuck to my guns (grin), and stayed on through mid '84. In the course of those 6 years, as my career developed, they began to lay off as I never once allowed their collective baiting to goad me into arguments about foreign policy, use of military, guns (ugh, the endless anti-guns diatribes!). Here's the best part of the story: My younger brother, following my example, did the same darned thing, albeit he chose a different service branch. My advice, young ladies and gents, is for you to stick to your guns (business), do your job, and let the words of critics roll off your back. Worked for me, and remember that was during a time when this country was still experiencing its massive anti-military, anti-guns, anti-imperialism hangover re: Nam.
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  #24  
Old 05-09-2014, 5:21 PM
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I am glad I never got that. Utterly revolting behavior from a father to a son. I have no other advice than to simply say GTFO.
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Old 05-09-2014, 6:13 PM
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SSS
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  #26  
Old 05-10-2014, 10:37 AM
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Tell him no thanks is necessary while he lives under the blanket of freedom for which you provide
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  #27  
Old 05-10-2014, 11:24 AM
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Cut off contact with him, go see your mom but just ignore him while in his presence. Don't bring your brother into but talk to your mom about it. Parents change their attitude when you give them time and distance away from you. I didn't get along with my old man from the ages 14-20, then I moved 2000 miles away and didn't come home for 3 years and barely spoke, his attitude changed pretty quickly when he realized that I had the choice/control of being part of his life and letting him be part of mine. Unfortunately you don't get to choose relatives but you can choose how you want them to be part of you and your life, don't let the idea of blood/genetics put you into situations where you are going to be unhappy.
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  #28  
Old 05-10-2014, 11:40 AM
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Don't reason with unreasonable people. If he's that Berkeley douche who thinks he's enlightened and open put him on the spot. I bet it won't work. So sometimes you really don't need negative people like that in your life. Be polite, honorable, and write him off. Discuss it with your brother.
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  #29  
Old 05-10-2014, 11:43 AM
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Being anti military is one thing(we all need to defend ourselves). Being against using military to invade foreign countries for private interests is another. In fact its a far right Libertarian point of view to be against attacking other countries under the idea that because "were America we know best and that makes it ok", NOT a liberal one. Basically you'd be hard pressed to justify that you are pro-freedom and willingly still in the US military today. I understand some guys wake up after and are still forced to finish out their contract. If a foreign country came to "help" us here in America by invading and blowing stuff up, id be the jihadist terrorist too. Just not with the Allah stuff. Any man would...

Last edited by kentactic; 05-10-2014 at 11:48 AM..
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  #30  
Old 05-10-2014, 6:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kentactic View Post
Basically you'd be hard pressed to justify that you are pro-freedom and willingly still in the US military today.
Some people will never understand. You're obviously one of them, so don't bother trying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kentactic View Post
. . . id be the jihadist terrorist too. Just not with the Allah stuff.
What a surprise. Enjoy your freedom.
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Old 05-10-2014, 6:36 PM
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I mirror both of your responses back to you Mayor McRifle.

Our forefathers were terrorists in the eyes of the offensive force too. We can only hope to be half as brave as they were. Being labeled a terrorist is a badge of honor when the ones labeling you are an evil tyrannical force.
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Old 05-12-2014, 6:52 AM
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honestly, a good ol punch in the mouth would have solved it. doubt he would have ever talked crap to you or another veteran.
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Old 05-12-2014, 9:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYT View Post
i for one would disown him but then again, i was raised in a marine family.

i dont have patience for liberals at all, once i found out who my obama voting cousins were, i cut them off from all family communications. "progressives" are too stupid to be worthy of inclusion in my opinion.
agree but with a clarification. I cut them off early because I've learned they'll cut you off eventually anyway.

No point investing a bunch of time and thought in a relationship with no future IMO.
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Old 05-12-2014, 9:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pitbull30 View Post
Ive reacted to this with a family member before. Don't waste your time. Its like arguing with an anti-gun nut. They resort to talking points they hear on the news.
Yup. I agree. I would just distance myself.
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  #35  
Old 05-12-2014, 11:05 PM
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Thanks everyone!

I appreciate the input

I recently got back from my FTX. My motivation has never been stronger, I can honestly say I love serving with my squad and other members of the CAANG.

I really haven't been communicating with him as much, I doubt he'll ever realize his ways.Oh well, it's his loss.
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Last edited by Tacit Blue; 05-12-2014 at 11:13 PM..
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  #36  
Old 06-22-2014, 7:11 AM
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He will grow old and look back on his ignorance and see all the time he lost with you and feel sorry for himself. Nothing is more important than family and it sounds like your dad still has priorities that date back to the 70's.
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  #37  
Old 06-22-2014, 8:29 AM
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OP next time your dad gives you the crap about serving. Ask for his man card and give it to your mom. She has more balls for serving her country than your dad. I kid, I kid!

Brother, don't sweat about what you father say. Like you said, you love serving with your squad. It's all about the brother next to you. As you go along your career you will encounter more people that are appreciative of your service to offset those that are against it.

Last edited by stitch_paradox; 06-22-2014 at 8:43 AM..
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Old 06-26-2014, 1:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by philobeddoe View Post
It's your dad's problem not yours.
Thank him for his input and change the subject.
And don't complain to your little brother about it,
just lead by example.
Good luck.
Thank you for your service.
This.

When someone thanks you for your service, you thank them for their support.
When someone disrespects you for your service, you thank them for their input.
Respectfully listen if they continue, and/or try to be on your way politely if it's negative.

It must be tough coming from your father, but in the end it's always your responsibility to put on a good face for your branch, and to keep in mind you serve all citizens, even the ones that rub you wrong. You've just got to take your licks sometimes, same as any of the other bull**** you have to put up with week in and week out. This was the advice I was given by my mentors when I joined, and it's served me well. I feel like it helps with the frustraition of it all. If you're just saying the same thing, you don't really have to dwell on what they're saying or what you're going to say, so the feelings don't fester. Thousand yard stare and be on your way.

Stay strong brother.
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  #39  
Old 06-26-2014, 5:16 PM
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OP, no disrespect but if your dad is anti-military then your dad is a lost cause. Much sand in that vagina. Not worth trying to have a intelligent debate over it. Move on.
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Old 06-26-2014, 5:36 PM
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If you're dad is a Berkeley type and thinks military don't have a brain then be respectful and prove him wrong.

True story, a military person retired as a millionaire after 20 years and the most he made in the military was $88k annually.

Yes lots of people make more than $88k and they don't even have $10k in their retirement.

Yes I know not everything is measured in terms of money but it's the easiest thing to measure.
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