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Survival and Preparations Long and short term survival and 'prepping'.

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  #1  
Old 03-16-2014, 12:57 PM
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Default Kids with ex-spouses

How does one deal with an ex-spouse in a survival situation. Lets say I prepped enough from me and my girls. How can I leave their mother and her spouse to fend for themselves? I could do it very easily, don't get me wrong, but I have to consider the girl. How could I explain that Im going to let their mother starve/freeze die etc. What would you do?
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Old 03-16-2014, 1:08 PM
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That's a tough one. Saying "I let her starve" would never work. It would have to be something like

Quote:

... I was pulling her into the car, but then she tripped and I lost my grip. I ran to pick her up, but the cannibals grabbed her first. I tried to fight them off, but there were too many. I will never forgive myself. I will remember that terrified look in her eyes for the rest of my life ...
and say it with a straight face.
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Old 03-16-2014, 1:17 PM
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I would prep additional supplies for them. Imagine if things go down and your girls are with your ex. If your ex gets your girls to you, than in my opinion you couldn't turn them away . God forbid anything happen to you, somebody would have to take care of your girls.
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Old 03-16-2014, 1:25 PM
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That is still the parent of your child. If you refuse to help, your children will most likely never forgive you.


There are times in life you do things you find distasteful.
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Old 03-16-2014, 1:55 PM
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This is funny!
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Old 03-16-2014, 2:07 PM
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Luckily I'm on the flip side of that; my teenaged step-son already knows there is no room for his "other family" here. I have encouraged him to share his knowledge with them & the skills that I have taught him, & they could be working towards prepareing themselves just as I am. Also his dad is enough of a man that I expect he would have too much pride to beg help from me or live subservient to me in my home.

Your situation is diffent & more difficult, but you mentioned a spouse, so you could approach it by saying "if they come to me and ask to be taken in I couldn't turn them away, but they would have to live by my rules & follow my orders" - with those conditions they would likely find somewhere else to go.
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Old 03-16-2014, 2:16 PM
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what about your parents? are you going to let them die?
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Old 03-16-2014, 2:31 PM
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I said in my wedding vows to my wife"i will protect you from anything in this world, except from zombies, then your on your own". If **** gets hostile would you want your loves ones to suffer threw that kind ofexistence ior help them go quick and make life hell for the other team for as long as you can? Granted we don't have kids.
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Old 03-16-2014, 2:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FG123 View Post
I would prep additional supplies for them. Imagine if things go down and your girls are with your ex. If your ex gets your girls to you, than in my opinion you couldn't turn them away . God forbid anything happen to you, somebody would have to take care of your girls.
Pretty much says it for me too. Especially if you are single and have no other adults with you, having someone you can trust.. based on the fact you both want to protect your children, will likely end in your favor.

Besides in the movies the exes always get back together in difficult times while trying to save or protect their children.

What I think would make it difficult is if you or she has a new partner.

A few random things that could sway the argument for me.

1) Is she single?

2) Is she hot?

3) Does she have special skills that would help in a SHTF event?
for example:
-can she make an awesome sandwich (can she cook)?
-is she a doctor?
-can she shoot a gun, well?

4) What were the circumstances for you divorce/break-up?
For example:
-did she try to kill you?
-is she mentally insane?
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Old 03-16-2014, 3:35 PM
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Originally Posted by jerhyn View Post
Pretty much says it for me too. Especially if you are single and have no other adults with you, having someone you can trust.. based on the fact you both want to protect your children, will likely end in your favor.

Besides in the movies the exes always get back together in difficult times while trying to save or protect their children.

What I think would make it difficult is if you or she has a new partner.

A few random things that could sway the argument for me.

1) Is she single?

2) Is she hot?

3) Does she have special skills that would help in a SHTF event?
for example:
-can she make an awesome sandwich (can she cook)?
-is she a doctor?
-can she shoot a gun, well?

4) What were the circumstances for you divorce/break-up?
For example:
-did she try to kill you?
-is she mentally insane?
She is married. 6/10, . cant cook, batpoop crazy and hates guns so there will be no reunion. Her husband is a carpenter and pretty handy so maybe I can marry him if something unfortunate were to happen to her?

Seriously though, Im not currently prepping for long term but I consider it sometimes and this keeps coming to mind. Thanks for chiming in all.
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Old 03-16-2014, 6:36 PM
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Get a better g/f than your ex. That'll keep her away.
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Old 03-17-2014, 8:53 AM
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You have a child together, so while you have went your separate ways, you still share the parenting of your child. I say let them in, its not an issue of subservience unless you plan on being a dictator within your household. While you two arent on the same level anymore, you can always find work for her, be it cooking, security shifts, or any multitude of things that will pop up.
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  #13  
Old 03-17-2014, 9:00 AM
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She and her SO should be welcome to stay with you as long as they bring a minimum of one years worth of food, water, medicine, labor, equipment, supplies, survival knowledge and hands on practise, etc. Otherwise, you just have to explain to your children that, like any other non prepper, she made a conscious decision not to be prepared and she is now going to live (or not) with the choices she made years ago. You could even use this example when talking to your girls about sex, drugs, shoplifting, drinking, etc.

My wife (soon to be "ex") wouldn't be able to contribute much but, her son, my stepson, would be welcome since, he is young, strong, able to help, knows how to reload, manufacture firearms, familiar with different types of defensive weapons and isn't a terrible shot since he can semi constantly hit clay pigeons on 1000 yards away.
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Old 03-17-2014, 9:01 AM
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Let her 'earn" her keep
N
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Old 03-17-2014, 10:31 AM
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Mother of your child. Yes, she is bat poop crazy and otherwise useless. But that does not matter.

Start stocking extra grub etc. and be grateful her new SO has to deal with most of her crazy.
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Old 03-17-2014, 10:45 AM
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The ex is now the new boyfriends or hubbies responsibility.
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Old 03-17-2014, 11:11 AM
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Ha!

I sent my ex's current BF flowers once in a little while to remind him how grateful I am of him dealing with the SH!ET instead of me!....
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Old 03-17-2014, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Sunday View Post
The ex is now the new boyfriends or hubbies responsibility.
Agreed
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Old 03-18-2014, 6:52 AM
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Maybe try feeling her new hubby out on the subject before deciding what to do. More importantly though, how does your daughter feel about mom and stepdad? If she agrees mom is batp00pccrazy she might not want them around either and problem solved.
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Old 03-18-2014, 7:04 AM
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Ex wife is batpoopcrazy? Wow you guys made some good choices in wives. Maybe your prepping decisions will be much better.
I know, I know, she changed after you got married right. I'm thinking she hated guns long before you married her.
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Old 03-18-2014, 7:16 AM
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If she's nuts and anti-gun I'd say it depends on how much S actually HTF. If it's mild, help out. If it is bad, don't bother traveling to get people, phones would be down anyway.
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Old 03-18-2014, 12:06 PM
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Originally Posted by 44fred View Post
Ex wife is batpoopcrazy? Wow you guys made some good choices in wives. Maybe your prepping decisions will be much better.
I know, I know, she changed after you got married right. I'm thinking she hated guns long before you married her.
Now I know this is going to sound crazy to such a grounded person, but young people can make really bad decisions.
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Old 03-18-2014, 2:59 PM
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The problem arises when SHTF, and the ex, the new stepdad, and your kid, all show up at your doorstep, because they were the ones with custody that week, and they say, "We heard you had preps, so we came to your place!" If your kid is with them, do you turn them away, or accept the whole group, even if all 3 are going to essentially going to be a burden? Taking care of your kid is natural, but having to babysit two anti-gun, unprepared idiots, isn't the best situation to deal with...
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Old 03-18-2014, 3:02 PM
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^ Your house, your rules. Deal with the stepdad, not the ex. Practice full security protocol.
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Old 03-18-2014, 3:42 PM
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I would think that the spouse would understand that the kids won't have ANY chance unless they go with someone that's prepared and beg to AT LEAST take the kids.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:05 AM
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Originally Posted by gundad View Post
Now I know this is going to sound crazy to such a grounded person, but young people can make really bad decisions.
I know this is going to sound crazy to those of us that make stupid decisions, but put on your man pants and suck it up and take responsibility for our actions.
How about us being better parents and raise our own kids to make sound decisions. Better yet, have such a great relationship with our kids they actually listen and respect our advise.
How about if you get divorced and kids are involved, you do not remarry until the kids turn 18. How about putting our children above ourselves.
The fact that the OP asked the question in the first place saddens me.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:46 AM
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How does one deal with an ex-spouse in a survival situation. Lets say I prepped enough from me and my girls. How can I leave their mother and her spouse to fend for themselves? I could do it very easily, don't get me wrong, but I have to consider the girl. How could I explain that Im going to let their mother starve/freeze die etc. What would you do?
Tell your girls the truth. YOU aren't letting their mother die, their MOTHER is letting their mother die.
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Old 03-19-2014, 7:57 PM
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I know this is going to sound crazy to those of us that make stupid decisions, but put on your man pants and suck it up and take responsibility for our actions.
How about us being better parents and raise our own kids to make sound decisions. Better yet, have such a great relationship with our kids they actually listen and respect our advise.
How about if you get divorced and kids are involved, you do not remarry until the kids turn 18. How about putting our children above ourselves.
The fact that the OP asked the question in the first place saddens me.
Presume much? Gotta be hard to see us little folks from that high horse thanks for coming down to comment though.
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Old 03-19-2014, 8:02 PM
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How about if you get divorced and kids are involved, you do not remarry until the kids turn 18. How about putting our children above ourselves.
What the flying poopsicles are you talking about? If you have an infant you are saying to wait almost 18 years to move on with your life? What angle are you working? I don't understand what values you're trying to share here.
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Old 03-19-2014, 8:27 PM
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I used to ponder this many years ago. My thinking is I would not prepare for her, per se, but if my ex and her hubby showed up, for the sake of my children, I could not turn her away. Her hubby, that's a different story. After all the evil she did me for many years, for the sake of my children, I could do her no harm. However, I am not responsible for her upkeep either.
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Old 03-19-2014, 9:28 PM
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Would you turn away your child if they had a physical or mental handicap, I think not. Think of your ex as a that handicap and get thru it for the well being of your children.
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Old 03-19-2014, 9:37 PM
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Bring them along if food starts to run thin you ,can eat the guest!
Just a,thought.
And for all the people that are divorced! - why are divorces so expensive????- because it worth it
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:01 PM
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Her husband is a carpenter and pretty handy so maybe I can marry him if something unfortunate were to happen to her?
Hahahahahahahhahahabwahahahahhaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
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Old 03-20-2014, 4:49 AM
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All my kids are over the magic age of 18. All of them had maps and keys to the "place" in the hills. All have been told they are welcome, all have been told their mother and her hubby(if he is still alive at that point, which is doubtful) are not welcome.
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Old 03-20-2014, 5:31 AM
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Tomorrows headlines:

"Man kicks ex to curb when SHTF, saves his children!"

And rightly so...
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Old 03-20-2014, 10:30 AM
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What the flying poopsicles are you talking about? If you have an infant you are saying to wait almost 18 years to move on with your life? What angle are you working? I don't understand what values you're trying to share here.
Just trying to shed a little light on action and consequences.
How many divorced couples with kids truly understand what the children are going through. Kids bouncing around from Moms to Dads house, Dad or Mom not involved in their lives, visitation issues, using children as bargaining chips etc, etc.
High horse? Not even close, I've been there, I've screwed up as well. I'm just trying to get some of you younger guys to think about your actions before you screw up like I did.

There is an active thread here discussing an air soft gun being used to stop a potential crime. The thread started with the OP telling his story. The thread turned into flaming the OP for putting his wife into a bad situation. In other words, his bad decision created the bad situation.
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Old 03-20-2014, 10:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 44fred View Post
Just trying to shed a little light on action and consequences.
How many divorced couples with kids truly understand what the children are going through. Kids bouncing around from Moms to Dads house, Dad or Mom not involved in their lives, visitation issues, using children as bargaining chips etc, etc.
High horse? Not even close, I've been there, I've screwed up as well. I'm just trying to get some of you younger guys to think about your actions before you screw up like I did.

There is an active thread here discussing an air soft gun being used to stop a potential crime. The thread started with the OP telling his story. The thread turned into flaming the OP for putting his wife into a bad situation. In other words, his bad decision created the bad situation.
Okay, I can understand the perspective 100%, just not the conclusion. Definitely something people need to think out in full before taking action.
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Old 03-20-2014, 11:40 AM
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Quote:
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Just trying to shed a little light on action and consequences.
How many divorced couples with kids truly understand what the children are going through. Kids bouncing around from Moms to Dads house, Dad or Mom not involved in their lives, visitation issues, using children as bargaining chips etc, etc.
High horse? Not even close, I've been there, I've screwed up as well. I'm just trying to get some of you younger guys to think about your actions before you screw up like I did.

There is an active thread here discussing an air soft gun being used to stop a potential crime. The thread started with the OP telling his story. The thread turned into flaming the OP for putting his wife into a bad situation. In other words, his bad decision created the bad situation.
First off apologies for the high horse comment, but you are coming off preachy a bit, but its hard to tell intent through the internet.

I'll offer a flip side to not getting divorced and hanging in there for the kids and this will give you a better insight to me. BTW I divorced about 10 years ago, have not dated since, and spend every minute I can with my girls.

A girls self esteem is greatly affected by her relationship with her father. I spent years being told I was worthless and not a man, while working 70 hours a week and providing a 3 bedroom home 2 cars etc. Nothing I did was right or good enough. How would this effect my girls self esteem? My choice was divorce, take the high road in all communications and love my girls. They want to live with me know because of it.

So now that I have brought my own thread off topic. I think I should send them home with their own BOB bags, which is something I have done yet either? Seems like a no brainer right?
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  #39  
Old 03-20-2014, 12:46 PM
44fred 44fred is offline
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There you go. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, great to here it.
Sometimes we do need a little preaching to put us back on track.
I'm sure you can agree that your first marriage as well as mine, was a mistake. Funny thing how our brains don't begin to think logically until we are much older, usually long past the time we blew it.
If one young man can read this and get something positive out of it, great. My own son who is now 27 suffered plenty because of my stupid decisions. We are just now beginning to have the relationship we've both yearned for.
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  #40  
Old 03-20-2014, 1:27 PM
ChuckD ChuckD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gundad View Post
. . . I think I should send them home with their own BOB bags, which is something I have done yet either? Seems like a no brainer right?
What about sending them back to the mom's with "Get Home Bags" (or "Get to Dad Bags"); give them each a bag that has everything they need to get to your place. This would serve dual purposes, 1st will help your children get to you, 2nd is there are enough supplies to get your children (& only your children) to you - surely your ex can do the math and figure out she is not welcome.

Regardless of this you should definitely have a plan for getting to your kids, or getting your kids to you if possible (obviously if you live in Oxnard & they live in Chicago this is going to be problematic).
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