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Ladies Forum A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

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  #1  
Old 03-29-2013, 3:01 PM
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Default Tips/guidance for my wife

I just want to start with apologizing ahead of time if this has been covered before, and if I offend anyone. I'm only looking for advice, no harm intended.

With that being said, My wife has recently started showing interest in firearms. To me, it's a wish come true. My wife is a girly girl to me. Make-up, Juicy Couture and the like. So for her to start shooting, I'm amazed. The first time she shot, it didn't go well. She shoot my old Glock 23. She did not like the recoil or grip. That was three years ago.

Fast forward three years, she now shoots my SIG SP2022 .40 no problem. However, she got upset with me when I tried to correct her stance. The last range trip, she was standing erect and was missing paper completely. When I stepped in, I had her lean slightly forward in a isosceles stance. The four rounds she fired, hit center of mass. However, she claimed that I was making her back and shoulders hurt in that position. That was that, she did not want to shoot the rest of the trip. I tried convincing her to shoot some more, in a weaver stance, but the damage had been done.

I want to get her a gun, since she has been dropping hints. She isn't a big fan of the .40. Don't blame her. She always brings up my dad's 9mm, a Ruger p95. She held a few sub compacts in 9mm, but I advised her that the shorter barrel might make it "snappy". All the guns she liked, could not be found for rent at local ranges, so no way to find out if she would like them.

So now, I don't know what to do. I was thinking of getting a .22 to get the basics down concrete then move up. Any ideas? Any help with instructions? I may have been to intrusive, if that's the right word, on our last trip.

Sorry if its a long post, just want to keep her attention on guns. She has been watching movies and shows that depict self defense and now is worried about not being prepared.
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Old 03-29-2013, 5:13 PM
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I've worked with several female clients and the first bit of advice is, "Don't try to teach her yourself...there is too much baggage"

The most important thing to do when teaching, regardless of gender, is to explain corrections and technique in a manner which is understood by the shooter. It is the difference between the styles in which the genders communicate.

Picking a gun without her input also isn't a very good idea

Where are you located?

Maybe someone will have suggestions based on their proximity to you.
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Old 03-29-2013, 5:49 PM
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9mm hit all of the things I was going to say.

First see if there's a NRA Women on Target class in your area. If not, see if there's any ladies beginner classes (there should be). She will most likely have the opportunity to shoot other guns while there (not always but sometimes).

Also, ranges sometimes have rentals. After doing the class for her to learn proper form and safety, see if she (NOT you) can rent some guns and shoot them at a range to get an idea. Of course, you can go with her, but this needs to be her decision and her choice.
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  #4  
Old 03-29-2013, 7:00 PM
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Too right. Don't teach her yourself, it's relationship hell.

She's clearly motivated and may have just "grown into it". Lots of women are taking up the sport lately and for all kinds of different reasons. We tend to be good shots and instructors and range safety officers like them because we listen. Their words, not mine.

Also, on caliber, there are various lines of thought. 9mm is cheaper and lighter to shoot, but is unobtainable in times of shortage. I shoot .40, because it's a heavier round and it's always available because nobody shoots it. I got all I wanted today locally for $ 20 per box. One a Friday-payday. No .45 and no 9mm in sight, but all the 40 I wanted. Everyone has a preference. I like actually being able to shoot a couple boxes without guilt.

Here's the patented, time tested guaranteed, standard recipe:
  • She determines her purpose for the gun. Target shooting? Home Defense? Carry? All the above? What is her motive? Sport? Things to do as a couple? Self Defense? Just a look-see ?

  • She signs up for a one day women's handgun safety and shooting class. They'll probably use .22 revolvers or semi-automatics. NRA's Women on Target is a good choice. No more taking her to the range til that's done.

  • She does her Handgun Safety Certificate in the class or in the next day or two after.

  • She sits quietly with herself for as long as it takes to decide if she could actually shoot a human being dead, if that person was threatening her. If she can't answer yes, then she shouldn't carry and probably shouldn't use the gun for home defense. (Waving guns around does not stop crack-heads.)

  • She goes to the local gun store, preferably without you, at a slow time for that store. I go Wednesdays or Thursdays around 2. She handles every gun that appeals to her and tries them out for fit and function. Does her hand 'like' the gun?. This is like buying shoes. If it doesn't fit in the store, it won't fit at home either.

  • She picks her top 3 or 4 models, goes to a range and rents and fires each of them until she finds the one she likes best. I tried two calibers in my top two brands for a total of four guns. Don't worry about the rental fees, it's cheaper than buying the wrong gun. I shot some .45 through a Glock on my first rental and it just hammered my hands. But .40 in the same size Glock didn't. Go figure.

  • She goes back to the gun store and buys or orders and pays for her own gun. If the gun salesman thinks she's totally nuts for choosing her choice, she can call you on the phone, but you probably will have talked it over anyway. If she thinks the salesman is a jerk, she walks out of the store and comes back another time.

She may have already done some of these steps, and that's fine. But you can't do them for her. If you insist on buying the gun for her, get her a gift card for the gunshop and let her go for it.
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  #5  
Old 03-29-2013, 10:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 9mmepiphany View Post
I've worked with several female clients and the first bit of advice is, "Don't try to teach her yourself...there is too much baggage"

The most important thing to do when teaching, regardless of gender, is to explain corrections and technique in a manner which is understood by the shooter. It is the difference between the styles in which the genders communicate.

Picking a gun without her input also isn't a very good idea

Where are you located?

Maybe someone will have suggestions based on their proximity to you.
QFT! Example, when I bought my first motorcycle, my husband was THRILLED that I was learning to ride but would not teach me ANYTHING other than the basics(Throttle, gears, brakes etc) that I already knew about since riding dirtbikes as a kid(I was 35 when I got M license) but he did not want to teach me anything that the MSF course would have to undo bad habits. Simply because he had been riding for 30+yrs he said he was not an instructor. Our marriage is all the better for it.

Instead of buying her a gun, buy her a range day teaching course and let someone else correct her bad stance. Then let her go from there with her gun choice. Both of mine are 9's that I carry concealed but husband has .40 for his carry weapons but I like those too. 9mm ammo is cheaper and I shoot a LOT. LOL
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Old 03-29-2013, 10:17 PM
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BonnieB has some really good input. Some people are very open to being taught. Some are not, especially from a loved one. Best of luck.
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  #7  
Old 03-29-2013, 10:25 PM
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Glock 34, or XD9 tactical (full size, 5" barrel). And private lessons from a qualified instructor. Keep the peace that way.

Good luck!
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Old 03-30-2013, 11:56 AM
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That's really helpful, thanks for all the tips. I'm going to look for course in the area (El Cajon) and I'll let it up to her if she wants to attend.

Hopefully after a course, she'll have better grounds to stand on if she wants to continue in the sport, per say.
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Old 03-30-2013, 3:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock619 View Post
That's really helpful, thanks for all the tips. I'm going to look for course in the area (El Cajon) and I'll let it up to her if she wants to attend.

Hopefully after a course, she'll have better grounds to stand on if she wants to continue in the sport, per say.
Whatever you do, DONT TRY TO TEACH HER.

You lose either way. Either you know your stuff and make her feel marginalized, which damages your relationship.

Or you don't know your stuff and risk her safety , which makes her feel marginalized and thus damages your relationship.

Let someone else fall on that grenade.
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Old 03-30-2013, 5:22 PM
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My wife has a S&W 22 magnum revolver and it's good for her as far as simplicity and kick and has enough firepower to get the point across. Once she gets more comfortable with guns, I may try to convince her to try a Glock.
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Old 03-30-2013, 5:34 PM
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Wife's cannot be taught by husbands...it's genetics!! I was in the same boat until a few months ago. When I picked out my CZ 40 she said "What about me?" Picking up my jaw, I saw a two-tone S&M SD9VE. She shoots twice a week with her pink range bag, black and pink cap and really nice jeans!! She really has improved and is getting a good feel for her pistol. Knowing rule #1, We signed up for CATS in 2 weeks 1st, It's fun to shoot with your wife. 2nd, Let someone else get paid for it. 3rd, It give you something to share at the range and an area to compliment on her improvement!
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Old 03-30-2013, 7:51 PM
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If you are in El Cajon, there is a Woman on Target on April 14th at Lemon Grove Gun Club (in Alpine). If you call to make a reservation, it will be full, but we always have some cancellations and no-shows. Show up with her the day of and there's probably a 95% chance she can get it. She would get to shoot .22 rifle, shotgun, and pistol. For pistol, all the mentors start at .22, but we all bring other handguns in bigger calibers if the ladies want to move up. Check out www.lemongrovegunclub.com for details, if she's interested. My husband runs the handgun part, and we can pair her up with a great instructor - male or female, her preference.

By the way, for any others interested in WOT in San Diego, don't get discouraged by the waiting list. We have it 4 times a year, and we're booked for the next three, but if you don't mind taking a chance, just come and see if there is an opening.
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Old 03-30-2013, 8:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 9mmepiphany View Post
I've worked with several female clients and the first bit of advice is, "Don't try to teach her yourself...there is too much baggage"

The most important thing to do when teaching, regardless of gender, is to explain corrections and technique in a manner which is understood by the shooter. It is the difference between the styles in which the genders communicate.

Picking a gun without her input also isn't a very good idea

Where are you located?

Maybe someone will have suggestions based on their proximity to you.

This man tells the truth.
Dont ever try to teach your wife anything.
ANY-THING
Is there any thing you dont understand about ANY-THING?
And you people who have trailer boats please quit having your wife try to back the boat down the ramp.
Just Quit!!
No good can ever come from it!
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  #14  
Old 03-30-2013, 9:29 PM
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Hey! I can back a trailer down a ramp, my grandpa taught me how. I've also seen men that CAN'T do it....
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Old 03-30-2013, 9:37 PM
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Yes you are right, your father or Grand Father, your son, Uncle, cousin or any other man might be able to teach you something, but not your husband!!
No good will come from it.
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Old 03-30-2013, 9:59 PM
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Also let her pick her own firearm even if you feel it does not fit her.

How do i know this?

I just sold a patriot brown lwrc at a lost because I though I was doing the right thing guess not.

Needless to say her new baby is a DDM4 V1 LW :-(
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Old 03-31-2013, 11:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katokat View Post
If you are in El Cajon, there is a Woman on Target on April 14th at Lemon Grove Gun Club (in Alpine). If you call to make a reservation, it will be full, but we always have some cancellations and no-shows. Show up with her the day of and there's probably a 95% chance she can get it. She would get to shoot .22 rifle, shotgun, and pistol. For pistol, all the mentors start at .22, but we all bring other handguns in bigger calibers if the ladies want to move up. Check out www.lemongrovegunclub.com for details, if she's interested. My husband runs the handgun part, and we can pair her up with a great instructor - male or female, her preference.

By the way, for any others interested in WOT in San Diego, don't get discouraged by the waiting list. We have it 4 times a year, and we're booked for the next three, but if you don't mind taking a chance, just come and see if there is an opening.

Spoke to my wife last night over dinner, and she is game for a course. I told her about this club and is looking forward to it.

Everyone, thanks for the input, much appreciated.
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Old 03-31-2013, 4:55 PM
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Good luck to her! Keep us posted on how it goes.
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Old 03-31-2013, 5:07 PM
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Take her to Front Sight for the Two Day Defensive handgun. They are fantastic about working with newbies. Check out various people on this site who are familiar with Front Sight. There are certificates available for two people for the Two Day Defensive Handgun course.
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Old 03-31-2013, 7:33 PM
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I would never have learned to shoot following these rules. My uncle is an instructor and teaches ccw classes / works at a range, and my uncle taught my husband.

Finally I got around to making time to learn, and my husband taught me. We butt heads occasionally, but it isn't that big of a deal. The biggest incident was actually yesterday, when I was narrowing down my choice of handgun between the sig 239 and the HK p2000 (both 9mm). We were at the outdoor range shooting steel at about 25-30 feet, and they were the little round targets that fall over when you hit them, and there is a little arm that puts them back up.

Anyway I couldn't hit anything. ANYTHING! And I was getting really aggravated. He watched me and noticed I wasn't squeezing the trigger but doing a jerk-flinch thing. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the heck he was trying to get me to change...so he had me watch him for a minute. I finally saw what he was talking about but couldn't quite get it. I finally asked him to just walk away for a bit, and he went in to get another bag of rounds...and with my last 5 rounds, I knocked down 4 of the 5 targets! When he came walking back from the shop I was standing there with my arms crossed and a pretty good smirk on my face.

Sometimes you just have to make the correction and walk away. It's pretty obvious when we're doing something wrong, but you just have to figure out how she learns and not be obnoxious about it.
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Old 04-01-2013, 8:46 AM
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Meyerlemony, I know exactly what you mean. My husband is the one that got me into shooting, and he is the only person I have worked with. He taught me 90% of what I know, the rest I just picked up on my own. We can defiantly butt heads once in a while, but I defiantly appreciate is input, and most of the time I am a better shot than him, which is always nice. I think that if you are the type of person that doesn't mind people giving you their input, than you can be taught by anybody.
What gun did you decide to go with?
I have a Sig 226 in Enhanced elite, and a HK p2000sk. Love both, but love my Sig more. My only downside with my HK is the fact that the magazine and grip gap causes it to pinch your finger. I imagine that isn't a problem with the regular p2000 though.
Glock619, defiantly let your wife choose her first gun. I have learned first hand what a difference that makes. I let the guy at the gun store talk me into a glock 17 Gen 4. Used to live in Wa. I ended up hating the gun, I just didn't feel right in my hands. I ignored my own feelings about the gun I wanted, which was a Kimber Aegis in 9mm. If she picks the gun she actually wants she will enjoy herself that much more. Good luck on the hunt.

Last edited by M1A_Girl; 04-01-2013 at 8:48 AM.. Reason: Spelling
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Old 04-01-2013, 12:38 PM
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IF you don't mind the drive, we do have a Women on Target at Burro Canyon on Sunday May 26.

http://www.calguns.net/calgunforum/s...d.php?t=736079
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Old 04-01-2013, 1:14 PM
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Since you're in El Cajon, why not sign up for WOT class out at South Bay Rod & Gun?
There's usually a class every 4th Saturday.

Here's a link: http://www.sbrgc.org/Default.aspx?pageId=1479193
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Old 04-01-2013, 5:17 PM
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I agree with most of what's been said; get someone else, anyone else, to do the basic teaching or go to Front Sight or something similar.

I'm a firm believer in the single-action .22 as a teaching and practice tool; almost all of the skills learned on a .22 copy of a 1873 Colt SAA quickly translate over to a 2013 Glock or whatever, and the SA slows the process down so that there is a lot more thinking time added to the experience. Besides, it plays to most women's internal Annie Oakley and most men's John Wayne to "decompress" the learning experience. Also, buying a Ruger Single Six or something similar is one of the few safe bets in choosing a handgun for someone else to shoot. It may not be what they want eventually, but nobody gets upset about getting to shoot one.

Let her pick her first "serious" pistol, although it really helps if you can keep her thinking in terms of "I'll try a WizBang .380, but if I made a mistake it is going to be OK to buy something different later." Avoiding "your one and only opportunity for a choice" situation is very therapeutic to marital happiness.
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Old 04-01-2013, 7:08 PM
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My husband taught me, but I was fine with learning from him. I do get upset at times, but it is usually bc I am already mad at myself...LOL. We also are members of Front Sight and just got back from the 4-day hand gun course and the 1-day CCW course. Loved it!!! We have plans on going back again soon.
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Old 04-04-2013, 6:48 AM
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I'll be checking out the other sites. My birthday is next week and I'll use that as an excuse for us to attend a class.
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Old 04-04-2013, 7:43 PM
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That's awesome! Good luck to you both!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glock619 View Post
Spoke to my wife last night over dinner, and she is game for a course. I told her about this club and is looking forward to it.

Everyone, thanks for the input, much appreciated.
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Old 04-11-2013, 8:29 PM
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M1A_Girl - I'm going with the Sig 239 9mm - if I can get my hands on one! Our priority this year was getting the rifles we wanted, which we did, but after we did that and let our bank accounts charge up a bit those 239s had all vanished (except in the .40)! We did at least successfully pick up a Sig 516 and an M&P 15 in 5.56 for just under list price (YAY) so our patience was rewarded.

Now to find that 239...
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Old 04-13-2013, 9:04 AM
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Meyerlemony, nice getting the rifles. With these crazy times, rifles are getting hard to come by. Best of luck finding the 239, I have defiantly seen them in .40, but pretty rare for 9mm. If you live near Solana beach, give DAS a call, worse case they can put you on a call list. I picked up my 226 there.
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Old 04-13-2013, 2:05 PM
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not married, but i always find threads like this very interesting in that different people learn so differently.

im no instructor, but ive always taught everyone ive taken shooting in a similar manner with minor changes based on each person and as far as i can tell, it seems to work well enough and everyone has a good time.
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Old 05-21-2013, 6:51 AM
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I'm a women, and I have shot (and love) in the .22 line, the Ruger SR22, SIG Mosquito, and SIG 1911 .22.

But....as quickly as I got into the .22, I continued up the line, and 1911's (.45) are my favorite (Kimber Customer, Kimber Pro, Sig TTT, Springfield GI).

I do have the S&W M&P9 and the Ruger SR9c, and I enjoy them both, but prefer the full size over the compact when at the range. I also love the .40 cal.

So the moral of the story is, for men choosing a gun for their woman, follow the advice on these forums...let the gal take her time to look, touch, and shoot. Don't assume that since she is a woman, she'll need a .22. My first gun was the Ruger SR22, but I much more enjoy the 1911 .45 now....so my husband and I create "22 Days" and "1911 Days" and "Rifle Days" at the range...and it's fun!

Most women who are coming from a no gun background need to get over the fear of the "idea" of shooting AND the fear of the sound and anticipated kick.

Once that happens, and shooting becomes fun, let the gal just explore and learn at her own pace...you may be surprised. My husband was!

And, have your gal take a private class by an instructor who knows how to teach. It doesn't matter of the teacher is a guy or gal, they just need to know who to teach and be patient...and be ok with a tone of questions.

I've taken two private lessons, and now I'm confident to be doing my thing at the range, with my husband next to me...he doesn't watch over me anymore...and that is really nice...and my fears are gone....just a whole lot of respect for the sport!

...just thought I'd share my experience!
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Old 05-21-2013, 1:53 PM
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Ricky-Ray Ricky-Ray is offline
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Originally Posted by rugersigkimber View Post
I'm a women, and I have shot (and love) in the .22 line, the Ruger SR22, SIG Mosquito, and SIG 1911 .22.

But....as quickly as I got into the .22, I continued up the line, and 1911's (.45) are my favorite (Kimber Customer, Kimber Pro, Sig TTT, Springfield GI).

I do have the S&W M&P9 and the Ruger SR9c, and I enjoy them both, but prefer the full size over the compact when at the range. I also love the .40 cal.

So the moral of the story is, for men choosing a gun for their woman, follow the advice on these forums...let the gal take her time to look, touch, and shoot. Don't assume that since she is a woman, she'll need a .22. My first gun was the Ruger SR22, but I much more enjoy the 1911 .45 now....so my husband and I create "22 Days" and "1911 Days" and "Rifle Days" at the range...and it's fun!

Most women who are coming from a no gun background need to get over the fear of the "idea" of shooting AND the fear of the sound and anticipated kick.

Once that happens, and shooting becomes fun, let the gal just explore and learn at her own pace...you may be surprised. My husband was!

And, have your gal take a private class by an instructor who knows how to teach. It doesn't matter of the teacher is a guy or gal, they just need to know who to teach and be patient...and be ok with a tone of questions.

I've taken two private lessons, and now I'm confident to be doing my thing at the range, with my husband next to me...he doesn't watch over me anymore...and that is really nice...and my fears are gone....just a whole lot of respect for the sport!

...just thought I'd share my experience!
Very nicely said.
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