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Calgunners in Service This forum is a place for our active duty and deployed members to share, request and have a bit of home where ever they are.

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  #81  
Old 01-04-2018, 1:43 AM
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Originally Posted by maxwell0700 View Post
was asking for advice on what to expect as a married man with a child.
It's not going to be easy. Not being a Marine I can't say I know, but in the Army you would not get any contact with your family while in Basic Training other than phone time, and graduation, then off to MOS school.

You might be able to live off post with your family while at MOS school. If you do, remember, you'll be getting up at 3am to make it on time to your PT before class. You'll probably get home around 8pm.

Now, if you "DO" manage to get to have your family with you while in MOS school it's going to be totally on you to find housing. Guess when you get to do it? On your own time. Guess what the business hours are of rental offices for housing? They sure as hell aren't Marine hours.

If you don't have a car then you are screwed, but you can't drive it. The Army didn't even let enlisted trainees drive. You're wife have to drive.

Not having a kid and wife at the time I was in enlisted training I can't imagine the additional stress you might be incurring. Right? It's not like you can simply walk to your barracks and crash, or study at the end of the day. You'll have a huge distraction. HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While all your peers around you will have the ability to 100% focus, or just step away from formation and sleep and recharge for the next day.

Your wife is probably not going to understand the amount of bull sht you have to deal with for being the slightest bit late for anything, and why the smallest things are such a big deal.

***********

My son was born while I was in Officer MOS school. I brought my wife out with me a few months after I got there. I had to get civilian housing off post because on post stuff wasn't for temporary housing.

I had the luxury of being an officer at that time. So my weekends were mine, and I had a car I was allowed to drive around. I narrowly was able to find a place with weekend business hours and squeezed in all the paperwork, and credit checks to actually be allowed to rent an apartment. THEN I had to find a place to rent furniture. But guess what, guess when THEIR business hours are, and when they will deliver???? Yep, guess where you will be during the weekdays, and they don't deliver on weekends. So you'll have to figure that out as well.

I'm not saying it's impossible. I did it. I was an officer though, and I think I barely pulled it off. It was my entire focus of getting her out there, and doing all the things I needed to do to be allowed to be there for his birth. Class work took a back seat so long as I passed the Army Standard.

I was lucky. He was born in the final two weeks. So I only really had one final project on my back, and then we coasted from there. But she wasn't really happy.

If you are enlisted, your wife will have to do all the leg work. PERIOD. You're not going to have the time or freedom to work it.
**************

If you are active duty you might get access to family resources for housing help.

If you are reserve your a sht out of luck.
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  #82  
Old 01-04-2018, 8:46 AM
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Thanks Snoopy47, you have been consistently offering good advice and experience on here. A lot to think about but I'm sure I can work things out whichever way i decide to go and what whatever I decide to do.
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  #83  
Old 01-04-2018, 9:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Snoopy47 View Post
It's not going to be easy. Not being a Marine I can't say I know, but in the Army you would not get any contact with your family while in Basic Training other than phone time, and graduation, then off to MOS school.

You might be able to live off post with your family while at MOS school. If you do, remember, you'll be getting up at 3am to make it on time to your PT before class. You'll probably get home around 8pm.

Now, if you "DO" manage to get to have your family with you while in MOS school it's going to be totally on you to find housing. Guess when you get to do it? On your own time. Guess what the business hours are of rental offices for housing? They sure as hell aren't Marine hours.

If you don't have a car then you are screwed, but you can't drive it. The Army didn't even let enlisted trainees drive. You're wife have to drive.

Not having a kid and wife at the time I was in enlisted training I can't imagine the additional stress you might be incurring. Right? It's not like you can simply walk to your barracks and crash, or study at the end of the day. You'll have a huge distraction. HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While all your peers around you will have the ability to 100% focus, or just step away from formation and sleep and recharge for the next day.

Your wife is probably not going to understand the amount of bull sht you have to deal with for being the slightest bit late for anything, and why the smallest things are such a big deal.
In Marine basic training, you will get a 15 second phone call to let her know that you arrived alive. You MIGHT get 5 minutes for a phone call if you 'earn' it (ie shooting expert on the range, highest score on the knowledge test, that kind of thing) or if you are extremely lucky, and the senior drill instructor is in a good mood, he might give you a phone call since your wife is pregnant just to check up on her.

You should be able to hit the pay phone booth during MCT (after basic, before MOS school) when you aren't out in the field.

You will not be allowed to live off base during your MOS school.

You will not be allowed to drive, or even enter a private vehicle while in MOS school.
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  #84  
Old 01-04-2018, 3:57 PM
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Originally Posted by jcourson View Post
In Marine basic training, you will get a 15 second phone call to let her know that you arrived alive. You MIGHT get 5 minutes for a phone call if you 'earn' it (ie shooting expert on the range, highest score on the knowledge test, that kind of thing) or if you are extremely lucky, and the senior drill instructor is in a good mood, he might give you a phone call since your wife is pregnant just to check up on her.

You should be able to hit the pay phone booth during MCT (after basic, before MOS school) when you aren't out in the field.

You will not be allowed to live off base during your MOS school.

You will not be allowed to drive, or even enter a private vehicle while in MOS school.
How will he know I have a wife and kids?

Not intending to live off base, just want to hurry up and go home by that time.
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  #85  
Old 01-05-2018, 12:36 AM
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How will he know I have a wife and kids?

Not intending to live off base, just want to hurry up and go home by that time.
You're enlistment records are going to have your wife and kids as dependents. I'm guessing at a minimum your Company Commander will have this information at his finger tips.

You probably are going to have an moment where the Drills lower the stress levels a notch, and a brief pow-wow with your training company where everyone introduces themselves and shares. If you hold back you'll convey to others that you are "That Guy".
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  #86  
Old 01-05-2018, 1:08 AM
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By the time I was 25, I had one year left of the second 3 year enlistment. When I was 26, I got out because of my wife and baby girl. At 19 when I went in, I had no responsibilities except to myself and my country. The military is hard on a family relationship. If my son, now with a wife and son asked me what I thought, I would say, think long and hard.
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  #87  
Old 01-07-2018, 10:53 AM
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At this point im just looking for ways to take care of my family financially while I'm in boot. The Sgt. says my wife is not able to access my pay...? But I've heard differently...
IIRC, the drill instructors will ask the recruits who is married early on. I believe those recruits were allowed some time to set their bank accounts up so that their wife could have access to those funds. Things could have changed since I went through boot camp, though.

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Im sure thats dependent on your MOS? I limited as a reservist here....looking into ammo tech though...
Yes and no. Chances are, whatever command you're assigned to will have you deploy with them when/if they deploy. You can look into things like Individual Mobilization Augmentee (deploy with a unit that is in need of your MOS) if you're trying to deploy. But chances are, in a reserve unit, you'll just train.
Also, some of the MOS structures were bad enough that it was years before the cutting scores opened up from closed. When they did, it was only for one month to let one individual promote. Then they closed off the cutting scores again. A good resource for checking this would be through the cutting scores listed on manpower.usmc.mil. It would be a shame for your inability to promote to whittle down and away at your motivation to serve your country.
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  #88  
Old 01-08-2018, 10:27 AM
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Also, some of the MOS structures were bad enough that it was years before the cutting scores opened up from closed. When they did, it was only for one month to let one individual promote. Then they closed off the cutting scores again. A good resource for checking this would be through the cutting scores listed on manpower.usmc.mil. It would be a shame for your inability to promote to whittle down and away at your motivation to serve your country.
Similar to the Army.

From where you sit (without access to promotion data) A good indicator of which scores are easy to promote are those MOS's with bonuses have easier promotion thresholds than those without bonuses.
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  #89  
Old 01-14-2018, 10:02 PM
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Exclamation Short answer: don’t do it.

I wouldn’t.

Served 8 years in the military, best days of my life.

But I was single, and times were very different back then (1980’s).

With a wife & small children I’d never do it, and certainly not in these times. We live in a very unstable era, one in which the social order is breaking down, and the State itself is losing legitimacy. Ordinary life is giving way to chaos and disorder. Risk is increasing.

I’d advise to keep loved ones, close, and never leave them. Just too dangerous now, both at home and abroad.

Just my .02 cents, FWIW.
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  #90  
Old 01-23-2018, 9:08 AM
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Yea i hate to break it to you but anything glamorous in the military translates to jack in the mil. I had a POG MOS and I came out better because of it mind you depending on where you are stationed is what is going to make or break the Corp for you. I suggest since you have a kid on the way to try and stay local. (a hard learned lesson my marriage could have survived if i had been stationed in Cali. but I can never say no to free overseas homestays.)

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If you are joining the reserve, then I would tell them to prepare for poverty. Your monthly drill pay will basically cover your health insurance for your family. Congratulations on the kid. Go active duty for the shortest contact possible, then extend if it works well for your family. If you don't already have an education, trade or career, go for the pogest mos possible and go to school while you're in.
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  #91  
Old 07-31-2018, 12:26 PM
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OP, what did you ultimately decide?
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  #92  
Old 08-01-2018, 6:31 PM
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I'm gonna get flamed for this, but I agree with the above 1000%. I hate to say it OP, but you are being selfish.
You have a WIFE and a BABY and they come first ALWAYS.

Your dreams of being a Marine sailed when you knocked her up (honestly when you got married, and devoted your life to another individual).
Take BigStick's advice and go CHP and make a good living and support your family and retire WELL, AND serve the community.

You have no business going out on deployments when you have a child to raise. It would be different if you were already a professional soldier when you got hitched and had a child. But you are not, and is doing that going to be in the best interests of your family and child?

People may flame me for being unPatriotic, but honestly America NEEDS well-raised children A LOT MORE than it needs reserve soldiers....

CHP / Law Enforcement serves America a lot more than military IMO, in some crappy country, helping some crappy people that hate us....making the military industrial complex rich, oil companies rich, over pointless wars...Why are we in Iraq again? Why are we in Afghanistan? Exactly. Make a difference at home, where it actually matters, where your FAMILY lives, not some backwards dirtbags who hate you.

NO disrespect meant to vets or soldiers, but the truth is the truth. Don't let misguided patriotism cause you to make choices which are not in the best interests of your wife and child. Family FIRST.
Disagree 100% in regards to military.. You obviously have never served in the military over 20 years or over 30 years or 40 years.. You wouldn’t be saying that at all. I am sorry but local police and especially CHP are a complete joke. Every state police agency I have worked with say this about CHP and I see the bs they do day to day. Less work and responsibility IMO. That’s why so many are overweight in SoCal. They are always hanging out at Starbucks in my area. That’s a fact.
Starbucks is a death sentence. High BP and high glucose levels are common with Starbucks not to mention caffeine.

Any traffic police officer is equal to an E4 in the military. I was an E7 in charge of 2 CHP SGTs when they were activated. I told them their civilian police job doesn’t mean **** in the real military. And they were both E5s in service.

I do agree with you on family. Family is always first and the US Navy and US Coast Guard has put family first as of 2015.
He can easily choose a different service where he can do office work.

Last edited by Endless; 08-01-2018 at 6:38 PM..
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  #93  
Old 08-02-2018, 7:51 PM
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Disagree 100% in regards to military.. You obviously have never served in the military over 20 years or over 30 years or 40 years.. You wouldn’t be saying that at all. I am sorry but local police and especially CHP are a complete joke. Every state police agency I have worked with say this about CHP and I see the bs they do day to day. Less work and responsibility IMO. That’s why so many are overweight in SoCal. They are always hanging out at Starbucks in my area. That’s a fact.
Starbucks is a death sentence. High BP and high glucose levels are common with Starbucks not to mention caffeine.
Whoa, someone's got a chip on their shoulder. You flaunt your military experience (what ever that may be), but you obviously have not served any considerable amount of time in law enforcement.

The military and law enforcement are both vital aspects of the safety and quality of life we enjoy in the United States. Either one is an honorable profession.

I'm also interested in hearing if the OP has made a decision. I'm in the camp that believes his responsibility is to his family now, and enlisting this late in life with so many responsibilities already on his shoulders is not a good decision.
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  #94  
Old 08-04-2018, 2:01 AM
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After all this time the OP must have made a decision one way or the other. There was another similar thread a while back where some dude hemmed and hawed over enlisting for like 2 years. All kinds of info and guidance was given but I don't know if he ever took the plunge.

I was on the verge of enlistment in the USAF when I was about 19 and had already taken the ASVAB and went far into the process. I backed out for reasons I can't remember now and that was a blunder. Big time.

I was older than the OP when I enlisted in the USAR. I was single though and had a job, which I took leave from for about 6 months for BCT+AIT+another school.

All of the above info is true regarding the childlike way soldiers are viewed as while new and of lower rank. As a mid-late 20's BCT graduate, I chuckled that I could not leave post without an "Adult Guardian" to sign me out. I got signed out by another soldier's parents. Our subsequent trip to Olive Garden followed by some shopping at Wal Mart were nearly a religious experience. It was exciting to buy some CD's and junk food, I tell ya.
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  #95  
Old 08-06-2018, 9:51 AM
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Whoa, someone's got a chip on their shoulder. You flaunt your military experience (what ever that may be), but you obviously have not served any considerable amount of time in law enforcement.
Not being LE, but military, I presume both are much the same in that there are LEOs from Los Altos, CA sitting comfortably at Starbucks just like a FOBbit, and those that are L.A. SWAT ready to kick the doors in of a gang house similar to an Alpha Team ready to hit a HVT somewhere in Afghanistan.
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  #96  
Old 08-06-2018, 10:13 AM
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There was another similar thread a while back where some dude hemmed and hawed over enlisting for like 2 years. All kinds of info and guidance was given but I don't know if he ever took the plunge.
That could have been me. These things take a long time unless you are right out of high school. I walked into the recruiter in August of 2010, and ended up enlisting on March of 2011, and shipped in September of 2011. So it literally took more than a year from the time I first walked in till the time I got on the bus.

There are plenty of others though. So I'll let them know they too can enlist with a degree in hand as an E4, and end up Company Commander inside of 6 years (before their first enlistment contract is even up).


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Originally Posted by Bobby Ricigliano View Post
I was on the verge of enlistment in the USAF when I was about 19 and had already taken the ASVAB and went far into the process. I backed out for reasons I can't remember now and that was a blunder. Big time.
Me too, wasn't selected as officer, and the chip on my shoulder blew them off. As an idiot I still enlisted 20 years later anyway with a Master's degree, and would be done by now, with more than one opportunity to have gone officer had I just ate my pride (certainly Warrant Officer).

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Originally Posted by Bobby Ricigliano View Post
All of the above info is true regarding the childlike way soldiers are viewed as while new and of lower rank. As a mid-late 20's BCT graduate, I chuckled that I could not leave post without an "Adult Guardian" to sign me out.
My favorite observation was "time" and "food":

Basic Training was only 9 weeks (not even one fiscal quarter) and to the kids it seems like eternity. To the point kids were smuggling in their cell phones and getting Article 15's or kicked out because of it. I'm thinking, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I might see my parents once a year during the holidays. Why do you have to talk to them every night.

Then there was the Candy in MRE's (like MM's and Skittles). If it was in the MRE it was allowed. Being 38 y/o I didn't need that stuff. I didn't even use it to barter with others. I just held it up, and said who wants it, and threw it in the direction of the first hand to go up, and watched the Piranhas swarm.
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  #97  
Old 08-11-2018, 12:33 AM
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Hello all, thanks for checking in.

I DID NOT go. I am home and just had my first child. Left my 9-5 into real estate sales and money is no longer an issue as I have been doing alright, it is California. Anyways - the guard is crossing my mind and i actually spoke to a sgt that was having a child as well and he did make sure to mention they are more "family friendly".

My brother just got accepted into the Sac Sheriffs academy scheduled to grad in June so that was exciting and I am very proud of him.
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Old 08-19-2018, 3:28 PM
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you made the right decision to keep your old job and stay with your wife & child

waiting to join after age 26 is too old, a waste of time, especially if your married with kids
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