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  #41  
Old 06-29-2013, 5:08 AM
Invisible_Dave Invisible_Dave is offline
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Second hand smoke doesn't make it your problem to fix. While I fully understand the desire to be the white knight, people will only fix codependency on their own terms. A third party can't help that.
  #42  
Old 06-29-2013, 8:17 AM
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Listen people, I didn't start this thread to discuss whether its my problem or not. I started this thread so I could get advice on how to steer a teen away from drugs and alchohol. So keep the discussion on that please.
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  #43  
Old 06-29-2013, 8:46 AM
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Originally Posted by ziconceo View Post
Listen people, I didn't start this thread to discuss whether its my problem or not. I started this thread so I could get advice on how to steer a teen away from drugs and alchohol. So keep the discussion on that please.
YOU cannot keep gf's sister away from drugs and alcohol.

Nor can her sister, and the parents apparently don't care.

Sister needs to fix her own ****e...sometimes that happens quickly, other times never.

YOU and GF need to seek a 12-step program to help yourselves.

YOU have neither the training nor the experience to know wtf you're doing in this case, but you definitely need to take care of yourselves. Otherwise, GF's sister's activities will ruin your lives also.

Again, the ONLY person who can fix the issue is the 14 year old...cutting off her suppliers may work for a day or 2, but she'll find others.

Spend some time reading about the process of addiction, instead of trying to find a quick fix...there is NO such thing.

You might also check the concept of "tough love".

hth

-hanko, who used to do this stuff for a living.

ETA: Second hand smoke is the least of your worries...focus on GF's sister instead of the static.
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Originally Posted By System Message:
Why can't you guys participate in a simple discussion about some guy's mom making a porno without violating the COC? This is why we can't have nice things.



“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”
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Last edited by -hanko; 06-29-2013 at 9:34 AM..
  #44  
Old 06-29-2013, 8:56 AM
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How old are you?
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  #45  
Old 06-29-2013, 8:18 PM
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Originally Posted by ziconceo View Post
It is my problem because my gf is around second hand smoke...
It really is not your problem.

Look at the situation. The 14 is smoking just to pee her off and you guys are buying into it. Like a typical 14 she is just being a jerk kid. If you pay her no attention she will do something else stupid to get attention and rile you.

Check out Alateen, Al-Anon or AA websites. Because you are doing everything wrong but you think you are right and it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling.
  #46  
Old 06-30-2013, 6:38 AM
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^ we actually talked to her parents and my gf said she would call the police if it didn't stop, her parents quickly took action.... Am I glad they did something? Yes, but that fact that it took possibly calling the police to get them to care is quite sad...
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  #47  
Old 06-30-2013, 7:19 AM
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@tripper I think the real question is how old are you
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  #48  
Old 06-30-2013, 7:25 AM
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al anon
  #49  
Old 07-01-2013, 3:04 AM
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Millions of dollars and countless hours have been spent by federal, state and local governments and schools systems trying to keep kids off drugs. If we had the answers in this silly little forum...I'd be out of a job.
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  #50  
Old 07-01-2013, 8:12 AM
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Originally Posted by philobeddoe View Post
al anon
+1 best answer
  #51  
Old 07-01-2013, 8:21 PM
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As humiliating as this might be to hear, there is only one effective thing you can do: Pony up for your own place with your future wife and future sister in law. I'm guessing by your iTrader feedback that I didn't look at, you're over 21 which makes your GF legal age.

Until you do that, you have no voice, as you've discovered. The police cannot and will not solve it.

New suppliers will replace the current suppliers if busted, as your future SIL's actions are her own choices, and not those of others.

I went through a similar situation where I did have my own place, and did invite my drug/alcohol abusing brother-in-law to live with me. Lesson learned.

Here's the results, and don't bother to ask what ever became of him, as it aint pretty.

http://www.calguns.net/calgunforum/s...8&postcount=63
  #52  
Old 07-02-2013, 9:52 AM
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I'm actually 19 and my gf is 17. What is the legality of disposing drugs down the toilet?
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  #53  
Old 07-02-2013, 10:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ziconceo View Post
I'm actually 19 and my gf is 17. What is the legality of disposing drugs down the toilet?
No law against it other than perhaps destroying evidence. If the cops aren't coming in, flush as much as you want.

If they're at the door, you have one good flush left.

Kitchen disposal should do the trick, too.

Back to on-topic...

1/ Not sure you and gf can continue the relationship if you're living with an addictive person, such as gf's sister. Not trying to be preachy, but living with someone has ups and downs for those in their 20's and 30's, let alone younger. Not criticizing, just note the stats for yourself.

2/ When does gf's sister start her program.

3/ When do you and gf start yours'.

-hanko
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Originally Posted By System Message:
Why can't you guys participate in a simple discussion about some guy's mom making a porno without violating the COC? This is why we can't have nice things.



“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”
Mark Twain
  #54  
Old 07-02-2013, 12:31 PM
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@-hanko OK thanks. I found the 14 year olds stash and disposed of it...at least I know its gone (even if its temporary) I could just keep getting rid of it until she goes flat broke

1- our relationship isnt effected by this problem...we are both working together looking for solutions to the problem.

2- As of right now, no one is putting her in a program where she belongs

3- I'm not sure I understand, my GF and I aren't the ones with the addiction problems why would we go?
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  #55  
Old 07-02-2013, 12:42 PM
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Not having any money never stopped nobody from feeding their habit(s)...

The first step of just about every program out there is what? (rhetorical)

You can keep plugging your fingers and toes into a leaky dam but you're not addressing the facts that the dam is not working properly to begin with (and probably developing more leaks while you're plugging) and there's still all that water back there. In order to stop the leaking, you gotta do what? (rhetorical)
  #56  
Old 07-02-2013, 1:19 PM
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Quote:
3- I'm not sure I understand, my GF and I aren't the ones with the addiction problems why would we go?
The fact that you don't understand that you are having a problem is a pretty strong hint of why you should start attending a program
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  #57  
Old 07-02-2013, 1:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ziconceo View Post
@-hanko OK thanks. I found the 14 year olds stash and disposed of it...at least I know its gone (even if its temporary) I could just keep getting rid of it until she goes flat broke

1- our relationship isnt effected by this problem...we are both working together looking for solutions to the problem.

2- As of right now, no one is putting her in a program where she belongs

3- I'm not sure I understand, my GF and I aren't the ones with the addiction problems why would we go?
ziconceo...

2...No one puts her in a program UNLESS she's sure she wants one...

Not a lot of details beyond what you've posted, but a scenario may run along the lines of "we found a place to help you. your choices are two: show up and attend regularly, or leave the house if you're so damn smart and together".

3...Because you and your so have your lives affected by the kid. You need to understand how that affects your relationship, but more importantly how you keep the relationship while kid (we pray) gets her life back together.

I guarantee you will not waste time by going with gf to a single meeting...you will be welcomed, will not be alone, and will learn a ton by listening those who have been there and done that. Actually, the "done that" part never ends.

Meanwhile, it's not possible for you and gf to control someone's crap, even though you'd both give anything to do so.

hth, and pm or email from here if you need more.

take care

-hanko
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Originally Posted By System Message:
Why can't you guys participate in a simple discussion about some guy's mom making a porno without violating the COC? This is why we can't have nice things.



“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”
Mark Twain
  #58  
Old 07-02-2013, 9:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ziconceo View Post
@tripper I think the real question is how old are you
And with this, this thread is done. In any case, there has been enough good advice given that this thread need not continue.
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