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Ladies Forum A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

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  #1  
Old 02-05-2013, 6:08 AM
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Default How important is it to date someone into guns?

Id imagine that when Im married; my hubby and I would do home shopping partially based on how we could position ourselves in case of a break-in, going on range dates or clean guns together (he cleans, I supervise).

I find it a turn-off when I meet a guy and find out he has no interest in guns. I dont think I want to try and get someone into guns, either.

Are any of you dating someone who doesnt like guns at all? Or if they werent into guns, would you still have enough common interests?
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  #2  
Old 02-05-2013, 6:12 AM
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One of the most important things on the list
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Old 02-05-2013, 6:15 AM
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Where were the gals like you when I was on the market? LOL!
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Old 02-05-2013, 6:51 AM
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Id imagine that when Im married; my hubby and I would do home shopping partially based on how we could position ourselves in case of a break-in, going on range dates or clean guns together (he cleans, I supervise).

I find it a turn-off when I meet a guy and find out he has no interest in guns. I dont think I want to try and get someone into guns, either.

Are any of you dating someone who doesnt like guns at all? Or if they werent into guns, would you still have enough common interests?
Based on my experience with an anti-gun ex, my answer is that dating someone opposed or uninterested in firearms should be considered on a "case-by-case" basis.

Ultimately the biggest point of conflict will be spending money on your interests. That's a problem when half of the household thinks firearm related hobbies are a waste of money. Ammo isn't free, mags aren't free, and firearms aren't cheap either. Compared to some consumer items handguns and rifles are actually rather affordable -$2000 AR15 vs $3500 MacBook laptop for example-but good luck convincing an uninterested spouse of that fact. To them, you're just lighting money on fire because they don't see the value of your hobby.

The long term sustainability of the relationship will depend on the spouse's open minded attitude. If they are closed to the idea of firearms as a positive, hit eject and don't look back. If they're open to rational convincing, you may create the next Jessie Duff or David Sevigny. Its not something you can make a universal rule for.
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  #5  
Old 02-05-2013, 7:36 AM
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my husband is an aussie.
as such he is "conflicted" re private gun ownership....
we have some interesting "discussions".

having said that i can tell you that, yes, it can work.
he has fired some of my guns when in the high sierras.
he never goes to the range with me.
he does not clean my guns. i do.
he does not interfer with my gun buying or ammo hording.
he has asked "do you really need that?" and i usually respond with "i want it".
he is a computer geek into the latest gadgets.
i do NOT share that area of his interest with him.
and, yes, we have lots of other things in common, particularly movies: we met at a movie festival and belonged to the same movie club but didn't realize it.

some years ago there was a reverse 911 call put out by the sheriff stating that there was an armed felon loose on the other side of our ridge...and shots had been fired so be on the look out and stay safe. hubby told me then that perhaps it really was time for me to "arm up". he recognizes my desire for self-defense. he also understands that range time is "zen" time for me and has said to me "gee, isn't it time you went to the range?" one of my best days ever was a tai chi class followed by range time followed by a good movie.

so, yes, it can work. marriage is always work. have your fantasy but realize you can make it work if both of you want it to work. admittedly, my hubby is open minded. remember: in a marriage you need separate interests and you need shared interests.

and don't let a fantasy ruin your chances at having a good relationship.........
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Old 02-05-2013, 7:45 AM
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If the S/O doesn't at least allow you to enjoy doing what you do, then I think it would be difficult. My girlfriend wasn't interested in shooting, but she tried getting into it, and now she is a fan. We got her a nice pistol that she uses at the range, and she has a blast. Sometimes all it takes is a little investment... Still though, she has no interest in cleaning her pistol, but I figure that's fair, because I have no interest in cleaning dishes.
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  #7  
Old 02-05-2013, 7:49 AM
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I would agree with a case by case basis but an anti would be out of the question. I have been married for 30 years and my spouse, while pro-gun, has no interest whatsoever in guns and does not enjoy them with me. For me, they would have to be progun or at the very least neutral on the subject.
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  #8  
Old 02-05-2013, 8:03 AM
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Not as important as good values and mutual respect for others passions. I got lucky met my wife during rifle quals for the military. RO asked who wants to do full auto after qualification, she was the only girl to pipe up. Needless to say that sealed the deal for me.

Asked her to lunch and been together since.
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Old 02-05-2013, 8:10 AM
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Movie zombie: Awww

I think my problem is that I have very few hobbies/interests. Its pretty much only cars and guns.... I don't like movies, dancing, music, anything. Lol. I'm pretty boring so I figure I do need guns to be a common interest..

You guys are right, I guess I can't make a universal rule but it is nice to have this fantasy going on in my head lol.
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Old 02-05-2013, 8:13 AM
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My wife was a scared anti when I met her. Now she goes shooting with me and calls my 22/45 "her" gun. Conversion can be done if she respects you and understands your motivations behind your hobby, and that gun enthusiasts aren't necessarily nut jobs.
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  #11  
Old 02-05-2013, 8:19 AM
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I think it's more important to avoid dating someone who has dogmatic anti-gun views than it is to date someone who is pro-gun. If someone is open-minded and hasn't been corrupted by the biased and inaccurate reportage in the MSM, you can teach them and bring them along.
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  #12  
Old 02-05-2013, 8:24 AM
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When we got married, my wife and I were both okay with guns, but we weren't enthusiasts. Finally picked up a gun in December and she is hooked! She wants to spend all of our money on guns and ammo now. I know that if somebody breaks in and I'm not home, they are gonna take some bullets to the chest.
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  #13  
Old 02-05-2013, 10:11 AM
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I'd think it depends on the SO's "level of anti". If he's neutral about it and doesn't care if you're spending your time time shooting or else having lunch with your girlfriends, fine. If you're not living with him or married to him, he has no say in how you spend your money.

I wouldn't date a man who gave me a lot of static about my hobby. Any hobby.

There is a slight exception. If he's unhappy about your shooting because it cuts into your 'couple's time', he might have a point to discuss.

I think shooting is like golf. Men who love golf will do ANYTHING to be with a woman who loves golf and wants to go play golf with them. Same with shooting. I'm over 60 and still get many appreciative looks at the range. Even without a rifle in my hand.
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  #14  
Old 02-05-2013, 10:49 AM
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Bonnie, I think you are awesome. :P
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  #15  
Old 02-05-2013, 12:30 PM
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Beb

It is a case-by-case basis. If they are anti-gun, that could be an issue. If they are negative, then it comes down to respect for you and your hobbies. I love guns and my wife understands and respects that (although she is on the anti-gun side of things). My wife loves scrapbooking and I understand and respect thats. We don't allow our hobbies to cause financial or marital issues.

To my wife's great credit, she continues to support my gun hobby even after I was shot. Even when I take out young boys to the range events. As anti-gun as she comes across, she has never once asked me to stop or prevented me from passing this skill/love onto my boys. She even went out of her way to join me on a trip to the range.
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Old 02-05-2013, 12:51 PM
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Lots of good points have been raised. The only thing I have to add is depending on the dynamics of your ideal relationship, whether your SO respects you as an equal partner could be an important factor.

Personally, I find it awesome that my SO also enjoys shooting. She may not be as committed as I am, but she understands that this is primarily my hobby and I am financially responsible enough to not jeopardize other aspects of our lives. On the flip side she has her hobbies which I support and encourage her to pursue, even if it isn't my cup of tea (incidentally, we both enjoy tea also).
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Old 02-05-2013, 2:26 PM
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I would recommend not to be in a relationship wit someone who hates guns. They don't have to love them or really like them, just not dislike them.
There are times I wish my wife would go shooting with me, on other side I love I have something I can go do for "me" time. And when my 2 boys are older "Boys time" (assuming they enjoy shooting).
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Old 02-05-2013, 2:29 PM
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I take it as a challenge to convert them and if they don't convert....capitol punishment
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  #19  
Old 02-05-2013, 2:35 PM
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I think you can get past almost anything if you both have the same values and goals in life. However, it may be hard to overcome a fundamental difference of opinion like pro-gun vs anti-gun. My girlfriend is not pro gun, but she's not anti. She's simply uninterested. We share many interests and we don't share many interests. I shoot, she does Yoga, I'm mostly uninterested in Yoga but it really enriches her life and I'm glad she does it.

I think it's really healthy to be two people who have different interests supporting each other.
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  #20  
Old 02-08-2013, 6:00 PM
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I got my SO (yes, a man!) into firearms unintentionally. Took him on a birthday shoot, informed him about movements like Pink Pistols, told him about Olympic shooting.
Before I know it he's registering a domain, asking me to do the website, purchasing firearms and really steamrolling the entire reason why I became active as a range coordinator again.
His discipline is FP/AP and hopes to rank well enough for Olympics consideration someday.
*chuckle* Its not always the "husbands that get timid wives into it" scenario..
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  #21  
Old 02-14-2013, 2:10 PM
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My ex wife hated my guns but I think it was more the money I spent on them. I like to collect things. I have 1,700 DVDs, 480 books, 21 guns, 17 clown paintings, and so on. She on the other hand didn't collect anything and didn't have any possessions. I tried to get her into all kinds of hobbies but other than gambling she wasn't interested. So sad.

So, as for the original question. I think it is only important if they are comfortable in their own hobbies. You don't necessarily have to be interested in my hobby and I won't necessarily be interested in your Twilight crap (but I will watch it if I'm allowed to drink).

Last edited by Zedrek; 02-14-2013 at 2:14 PM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 2:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Zedrek View Post
My ex wife hated my guns but I think it was more the money I spent on them. I like to collect things. I have 1,700 DVDs, 480 books, 21 guns, 17 clown paintings, and so on. She on the other hand didn't collect anything and didn't have any possessions. I tried to get her into all kinds of hobbies but other than gambling she wasn't interested. So sad.
That hit a bit close to home. . . we could probably trade horror stories over beverages of choice some day. . .
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Old 02-14-2013, 3:35 PM
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It's a question of free thought, really. Marxists/Fascists despise something personally and want it outlawed for everyone. Toxic personalities like that pretty much suck at everything cool in life.

Gun ownership? An adherent or not is less important than a respect for the fact that others are. Someone who has no interest in guns but respects the rights of others is the baseline standard.
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Old 02-14-2013, 3:48 PM
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My wife owns or has coming to her more guns than I even have on my wish list. She shoots better and has been for longer than I do/have. Whenever I tell her that I'm trying to justify/talk myself out of a new gun she says, "just buy it as a present for me and I'll let you use it." It's important.
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Old 02-14-2013, 4:06 PM
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It isn't super important to me that a man I date be into guns.

However, I will not date a man who is against gun ownership or otherwise has issues with women doing something typically considered a male hobby.


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Old 02-15-2013, 7:33 AM
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my girlfriend definitely supports my interest in guns and goes to the range with me too. She really enjoys shooting my 686+. I would date someone who lacked an interest in guns, but im not so sure about dating someone who vehemently anti gun. I think that would just drive me to insanity.
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:21 AM
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My ex went shooting with me before and I don't think that she necessarily disliked guns but after we separated she became paranoid that I was going to shoot her even though I had never hurt her or anyone in my lifetime. I was going to argue the point of ammo being to hard to come by right now to justify shooting her but though better of it.
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BadKitty View Post
It isn't super important to me that a man I date be into guns.

However, I will not date a man who is against gun ownership or otherwise has issues with women doing something typically considered a male hobby.


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• Do only safe sex. Never have sex with someone crazier than you are.
• Don't marry or move in together before you're both at least 25.
• Don't have children until you're married five years or at least age 30.
• Put 10% of your salary into savings every month no matter how broke you are.
• Don't ever screw around with the IRS.
• Keep a handgun on your bedside table.
• Don't smart-mouth judges, or cops who stop you on the road.
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Old 02-15-2013, 12:00 PM
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I don't think it's important at all that the person you date is into guns themselves, unless guns is all you live for.

What IS important is that the other person doesn't have a problem with YOUR right to posses guns.

If the relationship progresses further, you get married, have kids, etc, you want your significant other to be ok with what you do and own.
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Old 02-15-2013, 12:06 PM
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Originally Posted by snap-dragon View Post
I don't think it's important at all that the person you date is into guns themselves, unless guns is all you live for.

What IS important is that the other person doesn't have a problem with YOUR right to posses guns.

If the relationship progresses further, you get married, have kids, etc, you want your significant other to be ok with what you do and own.
Five words:

"Subject to Change Without Notice"

People tend to re-evaluate priorities as life progresses. An anti gun chick who quietly agrees with her gun owning spouse might flip her perspective if she's having a kid. You know the "no loaded guns in my house around my kid" ultimatum.
The rub to this is of course you won't find out her stance has changed until its way too late to back out.
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Old 02-15-2013, 12:19 PM
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Maybe it is better not to date someone in to guns.
Then you can make a project out of it.
Slowly introduce the idea and cultivate a new appreciation for guns.
Kind of like introducing a buddy into the world of guns.
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Old 02-15-2013, 12:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTauron View Post
Five words:

"Subject to Change Without Notice"

People tend to re-evaluate priorities as life progresses. An anti gun chick who quietly agrees with her gun owning spouse might flip her perspective if she's having a kid. You know the "no loaded guns in my house around my kid" ultimatum.
The rub to this is of course you won't find out her stance has changed until its way too late to back out.
So true! Nothing is ever set in stone. And that goes both ways.

In general, since the OP is female, I think it is more likely she will turn him than that he would turn on her and suddenly not allow her to keep guns in the house - even if it is because of their kids. In general
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Old 02-15-2013, 1:59 PM
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I dont care what material things a man has, im looking partner not a sponsor. but at the same time he cant be scared of guns because that would never work out.
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Old 02-17-2013, 8:07 PM
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When I started dating a cop I knew guns in the house, on the nightstand, in the car, in the pants, was going to be a way of life. I couldn't be with someone anti-gun so I figured I'd stick to guys who'd be more into them than I. Match made in heaven! Mike bought me my first gun whereas I had always begged and borrowed before and has funded much of my hobby
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Old 02-17-2013, 8:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beb View Post
Id imagine that when Im married; my hubby and I would do home shopping partially based on how we could position ourselves in case of a break-in, going on range dates or clean guns together (he cleans, I supervise).

I find it a turn-off when I meet a guy and find out he has no interest in guns. I dont think I want to try and get someone into guns, either.

Are any of you dating someone who doesnt like guns at all? Or if they werent into guns, would you still have enough common interests?
Wish I could meet a gals I can date on the range soon...

I know individuals have different interests but I love to have or interest in guns will be the common for us.


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Old 02-20-2013, 5:07 PM
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I've been struggling with this same topic, especially lately with all the anti gun stuff in the press.

My wife is vehemently, and irrationally anti. I've only managed to get her out on the range twice, and she swears she will never go again. I respect her views, but she is as anti as one could possibly be. We had a home invasion down the block from us recently, and suffice to say it didn't even cause her to question her views one iota. It's likely that I'll be have to stop owning a firearm as soon as kids are in the picture. So my answer is yes, very important. In fact, I think it's important to be as aligned as possible on all values, like morals/religion/politics/child bearing/ etc.

-Freq

Last edited by Freq18Hz; 02-20-2013 at 5:19 PM..
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Old 02-20-2013, 8:23 PM
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I say it depends on how anti gun they are. When my husband brought home his first gun I wasn't too happy about it, especially with a young child in the house and another one due to arrive any day. After a trip to the range with him, my opinion quickly changed. Since that trip, I have started my collection if my own guns, and i defiantly support him on getting what he likes. Our oldest son has two .22s he shoots with us, and next year my youngest will have his own. So I don't think you should base a new relationship off of the fact that the person might not like guns, because that could change. But you defiantly don't want to be with somebody who is going to stop you from doing what you enjoy. Best of luck
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Old 02-20-2013, 8:30 PM
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They don't have to be into it (on my level). But they can't be against it.
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Old 02-21-2013, 7:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by becciboo View Post
Yes yes yes! I'm in the process of purchasing my first gun right now and I asked my husband why he's not excited at all about this. He said he's worried because we have a kid.. And it's not "safe" Despite, you know, having a safe. And being pretty educated about gun safety. They really need to add this to the premarital counseling questionaires!
Next time he complains about it, tell him to stop being a sissy. That should shut him up.
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:11 PM
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becciboo,
what is his self-defense plan?
what is his plan to defend you and his child?
serious questions and they deserve an answer.......

does he understand that LE serves more as a report taking mechanism after the fact?
how is he going to feel if someone breaks in and harms you and/or your child?
does he think these things happen only to "other people"?

obviously, you've made a decision to opt for self-defense.
he has the right not to do so.
and in his opting not to do so, i'm glad you have!
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"Her hands, her comfort, her confidence, her choice.", Mr K re buying a gun for a woman.

Gun Control:
"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
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